Well, tonight was interesting, VERY interesting. Started off Becca being normal Becca and then getting mad again about my tatoo (witch looks flippin awsome btw) (maybe ill post a pic sometime soon since i dont have to worry about hiding it anymore.) again. She wouldnt give this time, she jumpped the gun 10 fold and gave me the ultimadum of a life time, call me in an hour or else! im sorry but that sort of crap just doesnt work on me. And as far as i was concernd it wasnt ME that was having issues with it, id already made peace with the fact that this was going to be on me for the rest of my life... I had done my resaerch sat on a waiting list for over a year to have it done by a guy thats been in the buiss. since 72'. And as far as not giving her time to let it soak in, she knew darn well that i was going to get one, she knew i wanted one before we even started dating and when we talked about it earlyer this year she said, i dont really like tatoos, i think their ugly, and i wish you wouldnt get one, but i guess its your body. that last 6 words of that made me be ok with getting it again. Though i did take her opinion into concideration alot more now that i knew she would be a bigger part of my life that still didnt change much, and you know, truthfully, i dont know that even if she knew the date that i was going to get it done 2, 4, 6, even 8 months ago that i would have not still done it, like shes mentioned, this is something that i wanted since i was 12, and its not her job to like it. Another thing, she didnt think that i would follow though with my word and cover it up around her, im sorry but that right there shows me that she obviously doesnt know me well enough to know what important enough to me, and hell if that woulda kept her happy, you better belive it woulda been covered up around her. She also called me a couple times tonight and when i got talking to her and she kinda didnt want to talk to me any more she decided it was a good idea to hang up on me, she did that to me 4 times tonight, i think thats more than ive ever been hung up on in my life. People just know you dont do that to me because like i told her, if you want to really piss me off and not talk to me for a while then hang up on me, otherwise say something, SOMETHING is better than nothing, ill talk to you later, bye, we're done talking for now, i think we need to take a break from talking, something. ANYTHING but nothing! you know she called my mom last night because i wouldnt answer some of her texts (partly because i was getting my tattoo for 3 hours and partly because i was recouping... in the truck) while she talked to my mom i think she learned more about me in one night then i think she has in any of the nighs that we talked to each other in the year that we've been together... so, if you dont know somone how can you know that they arn't right for you? how can you even know that you love them? That really got me thinkin... then she basicaly told me dont talk about it to me i dont ever want to see it and if its not covered up ill walk out of the room... to that i said, thats fine. she then when on about how seriouse she was that she never wanted to see it or talk about it. i said, i told you thats fine! then a little while later she started asking questions about it. like she wanted to know about it, so i ask her if shes changed her mind and if its ok to talk about it, she tells me to stop being an ass and answer the damn question. well to me that was a very seriouse and legit question to ask, i know women fairly well and i know they LOVE to catch guys doing stuff they were directly told not to, so forgive me for covering my ass. anyways i end up answering the questions and telling her that she really does want to see it and in curious about it, so she says no your wrong i still never want to see it and i still lothe and despise them, i guess i was just hoping that you didnt like it. ok at that point i was ready to call it a night because thats just a downright horrible thing to say to anyone, its knida like going up to a brand new mommy and asking her if she thinks her newborn is all she thought it would be cracked up to be, and then when she says yes shes the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth you turn around and say darn i was hoping youd hate her... i know that doesnt really compair to some, and im not saying that i now have what i concider a child on my arm by any means by it is as permanent as one... then tonight she called me and said Aaron we need to talk i cant run like this, we need to figure this out. just like that, no intro or nothin, i didnt know that she was acctually physically running or if she was talking about her body running as in fucioning like this, after i figured that out she went on to say, my head says i dont ever want to talk to this guy again But my heart says what are you talking about you love this man your crazy! that kinda shocked me cuz well being mad and never talking again is quite the leap. so we both were quiet and i was comming back from my state of daze about to say ok so what do you want to talk about and she hangs up the phone on me, so i was done, no more. through at that point and time. let her rest it off and try again tomorrow... however thats not how things unfolded, she ended up texting me and giving me that ultimadum call me or else, ok so once a kid gets away with being bad and gets candy or something of the sort for being bad do you think that kids going to listen to you when you ask him to be good and not do something? hell no! same concept, if shes going to pull that card on me what else will she use that leverage to make her point or get her way on? so she ended up calling me two more times and getting fed up with me talking back to her instead of just listening i suppose and hung up on me, she accused me of not being there for her and thats kinda when i lost it big time because no matter what there has not been even a single instant that i have not been there for her, and if she thinks that by me not calling her to figure out this stuff for her tonight is not being there for her and not loving her then shes got another thing commin... the last phonecall she made tonight was telling me that she didnt care if i didnt accept her conclusions or not we were done and that was that, because shes made a list of reasons why we shouldnt be together, so i asked her like what? she then went through the list and i stayed quiet because i thought and still think she just needs to talk to get this out and really to hear herself talk, its amazing what thinking out loud can do... so im irrisponsable, immature, unorganized, out of shape, uneducated, unthoughtfull, and unrespectable. to name a few of the reasons we shouldnt to be together... along with, i dont have a good enough job, im sorry but a 8-4 6 days a week at 10 and hr aint the worst job out there... but w/e i think shes just really confused and doesnt really know what she wants or whats right so i told her that i wont entirely accept her decision untill after break. Because by then i think she'll have thought it through and had some time to reflect on the things shes said.all in all destructive as it were, its could have been worse... i guess i just want her to realize that she will always have my unconditional love as well as a fair ammount of my heart.

(sorry for the scatter barined-ness its just how it fell out of my head, hope it makes sence and sorry for the length. Thanks for reading it through if you did. and thanks for tryin if you didnt. ill ttyl)

'till next time...

Id catch all yall up but its too late... i need some sleep... another day, give ya somethin to look forward to anyways... 'till next time, night yall...

I Love You With Everything I've Got Becca!